I longed for His presence; but my mind in it’s twisted nature; kept bringing up images and thoughts that swayed me; It’s hyperactivity kept rising like the temperature of a child with fever; I relived memories and mistakes and all the disappointments so long it felt like forever; I traveled down the path where I used to meet him and enjoy him; The good old days when my life was prim and proper; All of these extra-territorial-mental activity ended up in a proclivity of guilt and ungodly remorse; Which left me with nothing but His absence.
So I took to writing, whenever my heart was itching; Longing for an influence that transcends all understanding; But I couldn’t help envy, nor jealousy, nor being angry at everybody and nobody; I couldn’t resist smiling enough to be loved but not ready to open my heart; Scores and scores of offenses I did harbor in my heart; Murmuring at no one in particular but forgiving no one either; I thought His presence had eluded me; So I dwelt continuously in my delusions of being alone; Tearing apart anyone that dared bring me back to the hope of His glory; Which is Christ in me.
His influence I did lace with my flesh; Trying to live in the spirit yet paying heed to my own trash; His divine love kept calling out but I preferred my struggles; After all, every man earned wages for his job responsibilities; And mine I surely had to receive, no need to let Him relive; The pain, torture and disgrace His grace bore to keep me in the race; O miserable man that I am, who shall rescue me from myself? His influence went into hibernation as He realized I wasn’t ready for the updates; Updates that would make my firmware able to absorb His forgiveness and function better.
I knew His joy was my strength but I was busy grieving Him so how could I be strong? How could I accept His Holy Influence when I knew I was so wrong? How could I join the angels in this song? Of redemption and grace and a second chance? “For I was bruised for your transgressions, humiliated for your mistakes;” Amazing grace just found me, with tears in my eyes I begin to speak in the tongues; Not of men and of angels but that which conveyed my deepest fears in an understanding I couldn’t fathom; “Come unto me all ye who labor”, indeed I have found rest now; In the arms of the Influence that birthed me and has given me eternal life.
I don’t want a friendship where you ask me to tell you about myself, As though we were in an interview, I want the friendship which grows and blossoms by itself, One in which after getting to know each other better, Our best parts glow and bad parts go low, I want a friendship which has a natural flow.
I don’t want a friendship where you ask me “can I be your friend?” As if life was Facebook where you spend time responding to friend requests from people you don’t know, I want a friendship which doesn’t tear down, but rather builds up, One in which there’s freedom to fool and freedom to receive corrections for growth, A friendship where instant feedback is appreciated, not like Instagram where all you do is like, I want a friendship between souls, not physical bodies and virtual realities.
I don’t want a friendship where I lead and you follow, It’s not like we’re trying to copy Twitter, I want a friendship where we are equal and contribute value to each other’s life, One in which we push each other to explore our fullest potential, Not one that ridiculing other’s and their dreams is what makes us full, I want a friendship which never ends because we help each other be fulfilled.
I don’t want a friendship where you are a prey and I am the predator, A friendship where all I do is milk you dry of all your resources without giving back, I want a friendship where our contributions to each other’s life is engineered by the Holy Spirit Himself, One that has Jesus at the center and so can’t tip-off like a rotation of the earth, I don’t want an eclipse friendship, where there’s abnormality because one tried to rob the other, I want a friendship which is full of substance and form.
I have a story to tell; Whispered the little bird; On top of my shoulder it perched and it’s dirge it did sing; Of a love so great, but that couldn’t last; Of a love suddenly broken by life’s pressures; Of a love between two beautiful souls; It told the story thus;
He once loved a damsel, she was the very epitome of beauty and graciousness; She was the one who made his heart beat in a rhythmic manner; She, whose smile so captivated him, he forgot his sorrows when with her; She, who made life look so easy just by dreaming of their beautiful future together; She, who gave him courage to seek what he truly believed in; She spurred him on to greatness and making a difference; A love, who brightened his world, giving him hope for each day.
Then life happened, he woke up one day and she was gone; No goodbye, no parting gifts or messages, not even a parting hug; He didn’t know he could have saved her; He didn’t know she had been dying but refused to tell him; She had planned it all along, didn’t want him to hurt; Now he held her in his arms, unable to save her; Her beautiful smile faded into a cold and still expression he couldn’t name;
My lost love, the one who my heart beat in response to; My lost love, wish I could turn back the hands of time; My lost love, do come back to me, tell me you’re back; Laugh loudly again and erase my worries; Stay with me now, don’t leave me to face life without you; Till we meet again, you’d be the love I cherished and appreciated; Thank you for being my love, I enjoyed every bit of it.
I wasn’t always this way; I was a child shut in by tradition, afraid to speak of my dreams; Lest I be thrown into a well and shipped off to Egypt; So I learned to dream under wraps: Hidden by thick blankets of self-doubt and people pleasing, A prisoner of despair: my little heart-broken beyond repair; Broken into pieces by the hammer of discouragement, The hammer who spoke a language only I could understand: A language whose chief alphabets spell “YOU CAN’T DO THIS” – “THIS ISN’T WHAT YOU WERE CALLED TO DO“.
For so long, I stayed imprisoned by the shackles of depression and repression; Pushing the gifts deeper down, denying their existence for fear of being unique, I feared being special: being Saved, Prepared, Equipped, Constructed Intrinsically Agile for Life; I couldn’t fathom that I had to be different; it didn’t make any sense to be; Because being different meant being bullied; Different meant being too proud; Different meant being too scared of being wrong; Different meant accepting me for all I was; Different meant accepting the responsibility that I was carved & created for a time like this; That my frame was tall and weight light so I could fly; That my mind worked non-stop so I could provide solutions; That my heart beat with passion for a reason;
I wasn’t always like this, I failed to see that being mediocre was what was killing me; Failed to identify that voice of fear and replace it with faith; Fear that made me stoop and squat when I was made to stand; Fear that crippled me and kept me from running when I was designed to fly; I never used to be this way; Never used to be confident in who God made me to be; Didn’t imagine I could be an influence, much more a positive one; Never dreamt of being a voice to my generation;
I thank God for the revelation; That I was made for such a dispensation; That provision had been made for the great vision; That I had nothing to do with discouragement; Because my influence and fulfilment of purpose and vision is by divine arrangement; I thank God for the liberation; That has caused my life to be a constant purpose celebration.
Whoever you are and whatever you are going through whilst trying to follow God’s will for your life, be encouraged that the vision is for an appointed time and that though it tarried, it will surely come to pass. God doesn’t start anything He wouldn’t or can’t finish. Keep trusting.
Go labor on, tired or tried; Go labor on, persecuted or welcomed; Go labor on; despised or celebrated; Go labor on; supported or left alone; Go labor on; afraid or courageous; Go labor on; for it is thy calling.
The journey isn’t an easy one; But the love always has to be an even tone; For the master has made your heart his home; That to others you may reach to change; Your selfish desires may rear their head; Your tired body will want to rest; but there’s the need to ace the test; As others’ lives depend on your success;
Give up because they are not trying enough? Plot against them because they plotted against you? Feed them a dose of their own medicine because they despised you? Run away because they fight and attack you? Flare up because they irritate and annoy you? Harden up because they don’t deserve your love? What way did the master go?
Reach out and save; Closer to the savior draw them; Love them in their undesirable states; Don’t be the one to judge their fate; For their sake, do sacrifice; Lay down your life if it will suffice; Turn them over to the Holy Spirit’s office.
Go labor on, depend on the master for strength; Go labor on, let His joy always be your source; Go labor on, be cheerful and full of praise at all times; Go labor on, connect even when there’s a barricade to accepting the love; Go labor on, rescue the perishing, snatch him from the grave; Go labor on, peace your trademark shall be; Go labor on, your reward in due season you shall receive.
We all have times when we feel like giving up in the Christian journey. Let’s not forget that God is always there to help us keep walking andmaking a difference in the world.Don’t forget that with every breath, step, action etc. the glory of God is being showcased by you. So go labor on, keep on, even if men don’t appreciate your efforts.